I feel really sorry for you. It’s not that I don’t see the tremendous irony in your situation. I mean really, you molested your sisters, then you cheated on your wife, all while decrying the masses who did the same thing. That’s fucked!
But I understand why you did it. You were put in this situation by your parents and a culture that said that sex was a horrible, awful thing, all while deep down longing for the passionate, loving embrace of uninhibited sexual experience. Why else would you go against everything you were taught and experiment with your sisters’ bodies? Why else would you seek out the pleasure of women that you weren’t married to for the express purpose of dirty, raw, consensual sex?
That’s what people do. They seek out sex for a connection with other people. We, as a species, are genetically predisposed to do this sort of thing. Yet your culture has been telling you that it is wrong, and forbidden, and against “god’s” laws since you were able to think. That has to have a negative influence on you. Seriously, You have been told that it is wrong to do the things that you were genetically programmed to do. I can see that would cause a serious case of cognitive dissonance.
I have suffered through depression caused by cognitive dissonance myself. I have sought out things that I have been told were a sin since I’ve been old enough to remember. Luckily, I’ve never been featured in the national spotlight for being found out. Thankfully, I’ve come to realize what is really going on: what you’ve been told all your life is a sin is really just human nature. That’s just what we do. We, as a species, like sex. We are programmed by genetics to seek it out and fulfill our desires through it. It’s not “good” or “bad”. It just is. It’s the way humans are. When you come to accept this, you’ll be a lot happier with yourself and others. Not to mention that it will not hold so much sway over you. You’ll be free from the prison of “I need sex” that you thought you were in. By the way, it’s not that you need sex; you just need to act on your feelings that what you were taught about sex and sin all your life doesn’t make any sense to you. You just need to act in accordance with the cognitive dissonance that overcomes you and do the things that deep down you really want to do, even though you’ve always been told that they are wrong.
Anyway, Josh, what you’ve been caught doing is not really “wrong” or a “sin”. It’s just human nature. Sure, it is fucked up that you had to break your promise of fidelity to your wife to be who you are, but that’s not what’s at issue here. It appears that your feelings of “this is wrong, but I want to do it anyway” are really unfounded. Sure, they are your feelings, but the premise of those feelings, what you’ve been taught about right and wrong and sin and pleasing god, are make-believe concepts from a culture of control that is based on iron-age writings and interpreted and evolved throughout the years in order to keep a certain point of view in people’s minds. That point of view is based on fables and fairy tales that are obviously not true. Seriously, how could someone be “completely god” and “completely man” at the same time? It makes no sense. But that’s beside the point. All of christianity makes no sense when you really examine it. And this no-sense-making christianity is where you get your concept of sin and right and wrong: the same concept of sin and right and wrong that your parents taught you: the same concept of sin and right and wrong that you sought to disobey because you wanted more than “one man + one woman”.
I am here to say that the thing you wanted was nothing more than your humanity. In that sense, hoorah to you, sir. But in the sense of all the horrible things you’ve said to and about those you don’t share a religion with, bollocks to you! Your public face was one of hatred to LGBT people and those who did the same thing that you now admit to. That, sir, is nothing more than hypocrisy. And, as I’m sure you know, the root word of hypocrite is “actor”. Yes, you are an actor, but the problem is that you have been coerced into believing what you act upon. That is a shame on you, your religion, and all who support you and your family. Hopefully, you and your situation will be a step in the undoing of all the wrong that you and your people have caused toward the human race. Hopefully fewer people will feel the need to “act” this way from now on.
Sincerely and with all due respect (satire intended),