So I met with the psychologist and discussed setting up an ongoing counseling regimen. I was supposed to call back on Friday to set up the initial counseling appointment, but after a few rounds of phone tag, I started wondering what I was doing. I realized I was tired go being depressed and I started questioning why I had let myself get that way. I went back and reviewed No More Mr. Nice Guy, with made me realize that I was falling back into my toxic shame. That’s what this was all about. I had forgotten to follow the rules that Dr. Glover specifies in the book. I was slipping back into the old mindset. So I went back to rule #4- I am the only one on this planet who is responsible for my desires, wants, and happiness- and started repeating it to myself. This little mantra seems to be working. I suppose it takes a while to internalize a healthy mindset once you’ve been coddling an unhealthy one for so long. I still have a long way to go, but I’m back on the mack Truck, baby! Get the hell out of the way!
In other news, I finished the Hank Hanegraaff book The Apocalypse Code. He does a fantastic job of explaining why the dispensational views of the “end time” are not particularly good for christians to adhere to. First of all, John Nelson Darby, the father of modern dispensationalism, didn’t introduce the idea to the world until the 1800s. No one in the church taught dispensationalism until Darby came along, then when the Scofield Reference Bible became popular, it disseminated the dispensationalist teachings throughout the English-speaking world. All of the fundamentalist christian groups, such as pentecostals and baptists bought in to it, and the rest is history. If you really look at the Bible, as shown in Hanegraaff’s book and on the Raptureless.com website, you will see the truth about the “end of the age”. The end of the age was the end of the old covenant and the mosaic law. The “tribulation”, as the dispensationalists call it, already happened in 70 AD. Which explains why Jesus said in Matthew 24 that some of them standing with him would not die until all of the things he mentioned would happen at the end of the age would transpire. It also explains why Daniel’s “70 weeks” don’t have an unexplained 2000 year gap between the 69th and 70th weeks. It also explains why we have no business, as christians, going back and trying to follow old testament laws: they’ve all been fulfilled by the “completed work” that Jesus did on the cross.
On a side note, it also solidly puts the nail in the coffin of the oneness pentecostals and their dress codes and other teachings. I had a conversation with my brother about this very thing. I made the observation that when you’re in oneness pentecostalism, they talk about how they have true freedom because they are following their silly rules. They always say that “as soon as someone backslides, the first thing to go is their ‘holiness’ (dress code). But we know that by following the holiness standards, we are pleasing to the Lord and that’s how we have true freedom.” But It’s not… It’s a prison. Their dress code has nothing to do with holiness, and by relying on it, they are reverting back to the old law and not accepting Jesus’ sacrifice to be the fulfillment of the law. They are trusting in what THEY do to make them holy, and not what God did so they could be holy. Ironic, isn’t it!
Hanegraaff’s book also does a good job of explaining the injustice and outright evilness of christian support for the zionist movement based on God’s promises to Moses. He notes the conditional aspect of the promise; if you do what I command, then you can have the land. He goes on to show how most Jews are not following God’s command, and how historically they haven’t. He also shows where those promises were already fulfilled under the rule of Solomon. He also shows how God’s intention is for us to love everyone, as shown in several places in scripture, and how persecuting and killing non-Jewish palestinians to get their land and homes isn’t a very christian, or even moral, thing to do.
Overall, I think it’s a well-written, clear presentation of the case. This book, the book on Raptureless.com, and several other writings available on the web have convinced me that I’ve had it wrong all along. I’m so glad the truth is out there. I just with it wouldn’t have taken me so long to discover it. Maybe, though, it will be more valuable to me now that I’ve had to work so hard to get it. Wasn’t it solomon that said to “buy the truth and sell it not”? Someone said it, and I kind of feel like that’s what I’ve been doing; buying the truth.
I started reading another book, So You Thought You Knew by Josh Tongol that looks to be right in line with where I have come to. Mind you, I’ve only read chapter 1, so I can’t speak for the rest of the book, but what I have read seems to be some of the most enlightened thought I have come across in a while. It seems to bring everything I have been learning in the last few years down to the “now what does it all mean” level. I’m hoping that when I get to the end, I’ll have abetter answer than I do now. It may take a while, though. I have a lot of school work to get through in the next few weeks, and seemingly little time to get through it.